Today's humor

Discussion in 'The VIP Lounj' started by DYohn, Sep 24, 2010.

  1. Denton

    Denton Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    I liked the cat...
     
  2. DYohn

    DYohn Bronze Member Donor Top Poster

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    This Valentine's Day, show someone you love them by having your lawyer take the blame for the time you paid off a porn star you had an affair with.

    Sorry, too political... shoot me.
     
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  3. Carl V

    Carl V Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    I've often been curious, what are those Pillow talk conversations like.
    Counseling sessions, Therapy, arbitration...........
    "Yes, I cheated on you last week...last month last year or 10 Years ago"
    "but it's over & it didn't mean anything really..."
    The Clinton Household musta been chilly at times, Kobe Bryant, Jay Z
    etc., etc.,

    We have seen/read about this with Celebrity types, Movie Stars, Athletes,
    Politicians, Religious Leader/pastor
    or just joe/jane sixpack... John Q Citizen types.
     
  4. DYohn

    DYohn Bronze Member Donor Top Poster

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    My conversation with my cheating ex went like this: Me - You've been sleeping with other guys? Her - yes, I'm sorry, let's have an open relationship. Me - Get the fuck out.
     
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  5. Carl V

    Carl V Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    I've been duped/cuckold...
    Two times I was Oblivious till after the break up...

    One time I suspected.... we were meeting for Dinner/drinks at the BBC in Palo Alto 1980~!ish (?)
    She arrived a little late....sat down took a drink...then I asked " So, how long have you been
    married?" Her jaw dropped, then asked "how long have you Known?"... "I didn't till just Now".
    She asked "does it matter?"....ah yeah....honesty is crucial. See ya
     
  6. CJ

    CJ Bronze Member Admin War Zone Member Top Poster

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    Kobe Bryant was a whole 'nother level. Not just an affair. And we know it costs exactly a $4M diamond if you rape a chick and want your woman to stay with you.
     
  7. Carl V

    Carl V Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    whoa.... I had no idea.
     
  8. CJ

    CJ Bronze Member Admin War Zone Member Top Poster

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  9. Randy Rhoton

    Randy Rhoton Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member

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    A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

    SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK....

    THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

    THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

    THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

    THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

    THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
    HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

    HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

    "I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
     
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  10. DYohn

    DYohn Bronze Member Donor Top Poster

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  11. Randy Rhoton

    Randy Rhoton Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member

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    An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer, you’re in the wrong place.”

    So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

    After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.

    One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

    Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

    God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here.”

    Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

    God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

    Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”
     
  12. Dan Driscoll

    Dan Driscoll HTT Refugee Donor War Zone Member

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  13. Denton

    Denton Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    witch hunt.png
     
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  14. Carl V

    Carl V Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    RED SHOES like the POPE woulda been a nice artistic touch, snide I admit.
    or RED shoes like in the wizard of OZ
    Doncha jus' wanna click yer heels together at times & go back to where it's normal
     
  15. Denton

    Denton Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    "Normal" is a term used by Crooked Hillary supporters.... :rolleyes:
     
  16. DYohn

    DYohn Bronze Member Donor Top Poster

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  17. DYohn

    DYohn Bronze Member Donor Top Poster

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    According to the Wall Street Journal, Stormy Daniels has passed a polygraph test. I am not sure the test has much validity because she is undoubtedly an expert in faking her emotions.
     
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  18. Carl V

    Carl V Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    Oh Really!
    You mean....it's all an act?
     
  19. claud

    claud Well-Known Member Donor

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    You mean you ain't figured it out yet? Trump age politics is high drama. The women would not have come forth without someone paying them more than they could loose. Meanwhile the publicity ensures no Trump second term. Me, I return to the old adage--If he won't fuck, he won't fight.
     
  20. Carl V

    Carl V Well-Known Member Donor War Zone Member Top Poster

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    Presidential drama played out in the press has certainly reached a new High...but
    Clinton really got that ball rolling.

    Never heard THAT adage :D
     

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